Where is Scotland exactly?

I mean no offence to any of my American friends with this post, nor indeed to any American readers of my blog……. BUT (you always know there’s going to be something cheeky, rude or slanderous if there’s a BUT in the sentence) where exactly is Scotland?

At a wedding on Saturday after being introduced to someone I had to choke back the laughter when she asked me “And are you as fluent in our language as your husband is?”…… Eh… Yes was my only answer!

Some of the other beauties we’ve heard here are….

“You’re from Scotland? How long did it take you to drive here?” 10 days in my submergible car!

“Did you have to learn to speak English before you moved here?” Yep. We only spoke Scottish before!

“You’re Scottish – does that mean you’re Irish?” Eh, no. That means I’m Scottish!

“You’re from Scotland? My people are from Wales!” Congratulations!

And my all-time favourite….

“Scotland… I’ve always wanted to visit that island off the coast of Scotland.” Me: Oh yeah, what one? Arran, Skye, Shetland Isles? “No, what’s it called again. I can’t remember. Oh yeah. NEW ZEALAND, that’s the one!” Hmmm, didn’t pay much attention in geography classes did you my friend?

Scotland. Not New Zealand.
Scotland. Not New Zealand.