Accidents and nekkidness

Nekkid mermaid

What is the most dangerous sport? Bungee jumping? Sky-diving? Downhill skiing?

Nope. It’s swimming as I can testify with my traumatic accident yesterday. OMG, what happened? Did you drown/drink half the pool/belly-flop? Nope, I fell in the changing rooms…

Know that way where you fall and it’s a full minute before you actually go OWWWW! The woman who came out the pool after me came up and goes “are you OK?” and I answered “No, my pinkie’s nipping”… my Scottish accent must have been stronger than normal because she just looks at me and goes “Oh good”…..!

I tore a huge chunk of skin off my pinkie – it was quite impressive how much blood there was. Mind you I was wet so that probably made it look more awesome. Plus I bruised my ankle. I didn’t even realise I’d hurt it till I got to the car and realised I couldn’t bend my foot and my ankle was all swollen. Good job I already have cankles as it’s not quite as noticeable, apart from the huge bruise that is. Anyway back to the nipping pinkie. Have you ever tried showering and washing you hair with one hand whilst the other is being held straight up in the air to minimise the blood loss? It’s not easy let me tell you.

So back home I shouted for daughter to come first-aid me. She’s a lifeguard – yeah, where’s the lifeguards when you need them – at the poolside obviously and not in the changing rooms! She was busy ‘studying’ for her finals… lying out the back in the sun with her bikini on… students, they have such a hard life ye ken. She takes a look at my injuries then proceeds to pour bleach over my finger till the skin starts bubbling and give me a plaster for my finger and an ice-pack for my ankle then headed back out to the hot-tub. Huh, she’d make a terrible nurse. Oh and she told me she didn’t pour bleach on my finger, she said it was hydrogen peroxide. Well I know I’m rubbish at science but I’m p-r-e-t-t-y sure thats a form of bleach.

That’s my second traumatic event in the YMCA changing rooms… the other other one happened last year when I first started going to the Y.

I’m not sure if it’s just me but I don’t like talking to naked people. I think it might be a British thing but when an 80 year old octogenarian is stark nekkid in front of you it’s a good job she’s 2 inches shorter than me so I can answer her whilst keeping my eyes level with the top of her head. She was asking me if I had seen her towel coz “some body gone and darn stole her towel!” Nope, sorry I haven’t but if you like you can borrow the one I’ve wrapped my hair in I answered her. “It’s all right hon,” she answers “I’ll just shake it off!”……..!!!!!!! A thought I can’t get out of my head a full 12 months later! Come on people, don’t be naked in changing rooms and start conversations with strangers…. you never know if they’re going to be a traumatised Brit!

As an aside I texted this story to my friend back in Scotland but she misread the text and thought I said naked orangutang and was all excited about me seeing a naked ape. When I told her that all orangutangs were naked anyway she denied this and pointed out they wear fur coats. I can’t argue with her really.

rubber ring
Who needs lifeguards…